A Very True Story

The last day of a recent trip to New York outside the Carnegie Deli in rush hour, I hail a cab. I tell the driver my destination and get in - at which point the cabbie starts to tell me where he is going to take me. Not how he is going to get me there, but where he is going to leave me.

-I take you to 7th and 34th and you walk one block to 8th street, yes?
-That's not where I'm going.
-It is only one block, you can walk yes? Easy for you.
-That is not where I am going and it is not easy for me.

-Lady it is too busy I cannot take you.

-Then why did you let me get in the car? I don't want to walk, I have bad knees.
-Me too!  Lady me too!

-Uh huh. I didn’t ask you to carry me there, I asked you to drive me there.

-Yes but traffic you see is crazy and I cannot take you there.
-One block?
-Yes, but it is very busy now and will take me 10 minutes to go one block.
-I didn't ask you to get me there by a certain time, I asked you to take me there. 
-Lady it is only one block
-I don't care if it is only one step, it’s not where I want to go.

At this point voices were elevated. He took a breath.

-Lady I am not a bad man, here is my problem…

-I don’t care about your problem, I will obviously have to get out where you leave me but that will be a problem for me and that is what I care about since I am paying you.

A silence.

-Lady, it is like I tell my wife, she is pregnant right? And I tell her, look, you must not complain so much and think about all the negative things – instead think of good thoughts and your feet will not hurt so much and your hormones not bother you, see?

-I cannot believe she let you live.

At this point he busts out laughing.

-Now you sound like my wife!

-Would you take your wife to 8^th Ave? Listen buddy, I got something for you, you ready?

-Yes tell me

-Repeat after me: Darling

-Darling

-I don’t know how you do what you do every day and I am the luckiest man on earth.

-I don’t know how you do what no I try to say this but she says I am faking.

-Uh huh. Don’t ever fake. Let me ask you – ever been pregnant?

-No Lady. No.

-You are gonna drop me where you are gonna drop me but I am gonna make your life easier Mr. 7^th Avenue. Stop trying to solve your wife’s pregnancy ok? It isn’t a problem. It is a condition with issues you cannot possibly understand that ends up with you having a new baby.

Again a silence.

-Now you make me feel bad you see the man who takes the taxi after me if I am late he starts late you see and it will take 10 minutes for me to go one block and he will be 10 minutes late you see?

-Oh yes I see that the man who is next to rent your cab is more important than the lady with the bad knees who is actually in your cab who just gave you the best advice you have ever gotten and probably saved your marriage.

A longer silence.

-Ok Lady I take you I take you to 8^th avenue now, see? I am not a bad man. I take you. 8^th Avenue.

-And buy your wife some flowers.

-Yes Lady, now we are friends, yes?

-Dude, we are besties.